Life, Death, and Fear of Being Seen 👀

So many of us possess a deep fear of being seen (confession… I do! Okay, I’m actually talking about myself and maybe you resonate).

I relate this back to early childhood experiences of receiving the message that in order to be lovable, valued, or accepted, that we have to alter ourselves slightly, if not greatly. Chances are that certain impulses or parts of self were not welcomed. Each of us has different wounding around this- and it can lead to making the self smaller, self-censoring, and ultimately, to self-doubt.

In my work with clients, I offer the space and time to slow down and get curious and present with the ways that we may have learned to make ourselves wrong. We revisit that younger self who first learned to put on a mask to be accepted.

Reparenting the inner child has been the most rewarding, nourishing, and fruitful both personally and with my clients. And I’ll be honest…the joyful work of tending and loving the inner child is a daily practice that continues and deepens for me as time passes.

As 2025 begins to unfold,  I am called to reflect on some poignant lessons of 2024.

1) Life is short. I’m sure that many of you, like myself, have clear memories of Y2k… that infamous moment when 1999 became 2000, now a quarter century ago.

In seeing a person close to me die unexpectedly this year, I am reminded that there is the life you live before you know you are going to die, and the one after.

2) Death is also a call to life! Once the finite nature of our existence is acknowledged, it becomes clearer that we are here to learn from our life experiences, so that we can exist in greater comfort, ease, expression, acceptance, and joy in the time that we do have here.

I started the new year in a most wonderful way. I went to Jamaica to attend the wedding of a dear friend of mine I’ve known for over a decade.

On an adventure-filled Friday, we went on an excursion that involved bamboo rafting and jumping into various rivers and waterfalls.
I stood overlooking the Spanish Bridge, questioning whether to climb up and jump from the rope swing or not…

I felt the expected fear.

Not one but two kind locals enlisted themselves to help me climb up on top of the bridge and advised me not to look down. But of course I had to sneak a glance.

Looking down, I wondered… Will I fall? Will I be able to hold on to the bars of the rope swing? What if I slip? What if I can’t let go when the time is right? (I mean, talk about a metaphor for lessons from 2024…)

Spanish Bridge in Ocho Rios, Jamaica

A kind young man holds the rope from behind me and guides me off the bridge. We swing far and fast and I feel present and alive. I’m absolutely there in that moment… in my body, and in the mystery and wonder of this human experience. First, we swing away from the bridge. It’s riveting. As we swing back towards the bridge once gain, I look at my friends standing securely on land as I’m flying fast through the air… a big smile on my face, adrenaline pumping through my veins and unbeknownst to the more conscious parts of my brain, the words that come out of my mouth are: “look at meeeee!”

I wanted to be seen for the brave, vulnerable, and fun reality I was experiencing.

In this finite existence in this physical form, can we be brave enough to step off the bridge and swing into the unknown? Are we willing to risk confronting our fears for the magic that can happen when we step away from what is predictable? And lastly, are we willing to be seen and known in the vulnerability of this whole thing?

The work of healing (becoming whole, welcoming in all parts of self) allows us to show up more fully and to remember that we are worthy of what we long for, even when it feels unattainable. The longing itself is an indicator of our very aliveness. Success is not guaranteed, and yet we will miss 100% of the shots we don’t take. Vulnerability is the truth of our existence.

As we embark on the quarter century, I am grateful to feel closer and closer to who I really am…The work and joy of really being present with the self…of listening to who we are and what we are called towards is life changing, sacred, magical work.

As time passes, I am more curious and less disturbed by the ways we suffer because when I get present with myself, I know that patterns of suffering are asking to be looked at so they can be released. And this unburdening is precisely what has brought me to the place of more clearly longing to be seen, even though I fear the same.

Life is short and death is also a call to life. Whether it be jumping into rivers, traveling to foreign places, sitting and acknowledging your present moment experience, or being brave enough to simple do something that scares you, may your year ahead be filled with aliveness!

Warmly,

Natasha